How To Deal With Flaky Friends Without Ruining Your Friendship
Yes, we’re throwing major shade at you, dear flaky friend. *Sips tea*.
A flake will find reasons to ditch a friend whenever the plan doesn’t fit on the flake’s agenda. You know she’s being rude, and you feel disrespected when she blows you off yet again, but you don’t want to cut her out of your life because when you do hang out, it’s genuinely awesome!
It’s easy enough for other people to say “get rid of this serial ditcher,” but what if you honestly love this person? It is possible to keep these incredibly fickle-minded people in your life without feeling like a doormat, and we’re gonna talk about how.
1. Consider her perspective
Someone’s flakiness is not necessarily a reflection on how much they like you or want to hang out with you. Everybody must have been guilty of bailing on plans sometimes, so take a step back to acknowledge where your friend is coming from. Is she extra busy with work or taking a hiatus on social commitments and public appearances that she can’t seem to get her arse out of the house? Don’t take it too personally and put yourself in her shoes to see what may be going on. Whether it’s about you, your friendship, or a separate issue she’s dealing with on her own.
2. Call her out
Yes, we’ve all met the inevitable excuse queen. This type of flaky friend is almost always a straight-up bailer, where she backs out of plans too often, even the one she makes. Sometimes she doesn’t even bother to cancel earlier, leaving you waiting for hours because you’re such a good friend, only to listen to her 1001 bizarre excuses 10 days later. No, honestly, you waited cause you’ve made a list of ‘fun hangout activities’ for the day and you really wanna spend quality time with your wifey.
Frustrating, right? People are flaky because no one tends to call them on their actions. Don’t be afraid of sounding bossy or like, someone who is not “chill”. Ask the excuse queen why she keeps canceling, and tell her it makes you feel disrespected.
3. Squad it up
Deep in your heart, you know your flaky friend (let’s make it FF for short) is bound to flake on you again and frankly, you’ve gotten pretty used to it. Changing your mindset about her doesn’t take away that feeling of disappointment when your plans suddenly fall through at the last minute. Here’s a suggestion, why don’t you make it as a group activity instead? If your FF unexpectedly bails on you again, it’ll be fine as you won’t be left stranded alone and can still have fun with your other girlfriends. No more weekend nights wasted!
4. Be annoying
Nothing is worse then getting ready for a day or night out, only to receive a cancellation text on your way to the pick her up. That’s why whenever you make plans with this friend, feel free to be annoying. Text her several times before your friend-date confirming that she will be available. That way, if she cancels, you may have time to make alternate plans and still have a fun day. But of course, if you did annoy her with a string of texts prior to your date, and she still made you wait like a fool for hours to suddenly find out that she’s cough cough.. sick, just roll your eyes and stop inviting her out until she gives you a heartfelt apology.
5. Make it convenient
Okay, perhaps your friend really is extra slumped with work or school that she just couldn’t slot in some time for you to hang out, but because she really misses you, she said yes anyway. So what do you do? Make it convenient her. Say, she works till 9PM and needs to pick up her sister from tuition by 1030PM, recommend a place that’s nearby to her workplace or the venue of her sister’s tuition centre to create a hassle-free date experience. This way, you get to see your BFF and vent about whatever even if its for a short period of time.
If calling her out doesn’t work ’cause she might get the wrong idea and thinks that you are the one who’s being rude, there’s another way to get her attention. As cliche as it may sound, you should have a heart-to-heart talk with your FF. Grab her by the hands, look her in the eyes, and truly, genuinely ask her what the f is up. Is she running away from something, like herself? Or is she embarrassed to let you know that she’s hella broke? Assure her that it’s okay to update you with these things cause friends never judge. Besides, there’s always something to do even when you’re living the life of the two broke girls.
7. Know what works for you
Every friendship is different, and it’s up to you to decide what kind of relationship you’d like to have with her. If you’re running out of patience and can’t keep putting in effort when it’s not reciprocated, take a temporary step back. There’s no need to create black-and-white boundaries. Let your friendship live in the gray area for a while, as sooner or later, she may just come around. And make sure she knows how to treat you (an equally important member of this friendship), too. 👭