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S’porean Girl Complains About “Stingy” Boyfriend After Sushi Tei Date

 

Photo: Wallpaperfo.com

Photo: Wallpaperfo.com

A disgruntled college student submitted a lengthy post to Singapore’s STOMP, complaining about her frugal boyfriend who treated her to a birthday dinner at Sushi Tei and a “sweet handmade card”.

Netizens didn’t share her sentiments, and they’re are also annoyed that the self-proclaimed “I’m not one of those gold-digger girls” college student compares her boyfriend to her friend’s boyfriends who treat them to classy romantic establishments for their birthdays.

Read her full confession here:

I have been together with my boyfriend for slightly under a year. Everything about him fits my criteria for a partner- tall and well-built, intelligent, caring and probably one of the sweetest guys around. Yet, there is one trait of him that has been perturbing me for the longest time. It is that of his frugality. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those gold-digger girls who is looking for a rich husband. Case in point, if I were, my boyfriend would have been struck off the list long ago.

I understand that love cannot be measured by money, but yet it seems that if money is perpetually a concern to my boyfriend when he spends on me, it just seems to me that I am perhaps of less value than a few wads of cash. Moreover, I am far from unreasonable in making him spend more than he can manage.

My recent birthday celebration just made me really sad. He brought me to Sushi Tei and a gave me a sweet handmade card. Perhaps to some of you this may still be acceptable I’m not sure, but to me this was a complete disappointment. For a birthday celebration, Sushi Tei seriously? This would be the kind of restaurant I would casually meet up with friends at, and not some place I would patronise for a special occasion. A card and no present? Yes, a card is sweet, but another way of looking at it is: cheap.

I get very envious when I see my friend’s boyfriends bringing them to classy romantic dining establishments and gifting them with expensive presents on their birthdays. And this is when their boyfriends are still studying and just living on the pay from their part-time jobs. If they can afford to do so, why not my boyfriend? To make things clear, I myself am very generous to my boyfriend in gifting him with presents. I am not trying in any way to cheat his money.

I know my boyfriend loves me but I sometimes can’t help but think if his thrifty habits (read: stingy habits) is something I can live with for life. At the same time, this is a relationship I won’t bear to give up. Perhaps in life, it is inevitable that you win some and lose some.”

Commentors on the site are hoping that the college girl’s boyfriend would ditch his girlfriend since she’s so unappreciative of his efforts to show how much he’s willing to give her.

Photo: PSD Graphics

Photo: PSD Graphics

 

We asked our fellow Malaysians for their thoughts on this college girl’s confession, and we’re starting off with what girls think:

“I think she needs to get her priorities in order. She initially claims that money is not her focus, and that she would have dumped her boyfriend earlier if it were, but then she goes on to compare her relationship with those of her friends and their boyfriends taking them out on ‘romantic dates’. It obviously is an issue, and it’s something that she should discuss with him. Maybe he doesn’t know and he thinks she’s ok with it so he continues to spend little on her, or maybe that is his character (a ‘it’s the thought that counts’ kind of person)” – Flavia

“I think that it’s acceptable to be dined at Sushi Tei on your birthday because they’re still students at the end of the day. Not everyone is as well to do, and Sushi Tei isn’t exactly cheap. If she really loved the guy for who he is, she wouldn’t be making such comments in the first place and be grateful about it.” – Carmen

“You cannot measure love with money. The fact that he made you birthday card from scratch is sweet and thoughtful. If you keep comparing him with your friends’ boyfriends’ then you will live a very miserable life trying to keep up with them. Good luck with your relationship though.” – Emi

“He seems thoughtful and sweet. He seems intelligent too. Being frugal doesn’t make you stingy. It makes you smart enough to know where to skimp and save so that you’re not left in debtor’s hell when the going gets tough.” – Eliza

“I personally think guys who are willing to spend a lot of money on a woman expect something in return. And it’s not your love and affection”. – Marie

“We’ve all been college students before, and unless you get a lot of pocket money from your parents or you’re doing a part-time job, it’s understandable that a college boy won’t be able to pay for a swanky meal at a Michelin starred restaurant. However, a girl normally expects something special for her birthday, and you can do that without spending a lot of money – go for a quiet picnic at a romantic spot, for example, it’s more special than going to some chain eatery. Making an occasion memorable doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend a lot of dough – it just requires more effort ’cause you’ll need to research about what you can do. But the girl seems to think that her boyfriend is just  being stingy and doesn’t mention if he has a strained financial situation – in this case, I think she should talk to him about her dissatisfaction rather than complaining to a world of strangers on the internet.” -Audrey

Photo: PSD Graphics

Photo: PSD Graphics

Now that you’ve heard what women have to say, it’s time to hear what the guys have to say:

“It’s good to learn to save. It’s her special day of course, but she should at least discuss her expectations. But then again, they’re only students. Why live such lavish lifestyles when you can’t afford it? She shouldn’t expect much, even.” – Eric

“This girl seems very materialistic and insincere. She’s giving him expensive gifts because she’s expecting him to return the act”. – Nelson

“She needs to stop caring about how much money gets spent on her and instead, focus on how much time and love gets spent on her”. – Chris

“I don’t know why she’s comparing her relationship to others, but if he wanted to bring her to Sushi Tei and give her a homemade card because that’s what he thought was best, what’s the problem? I think she’s a b*tch for criticizing him. That, and she’s trying to shame her boyfriend and his action instead of discussing the matter privately”. – Aiman

Do you think money is important in a relationship? We’d love to hear what you have to say. Share your personal thoughts in the comment section below.

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Genevieve Nunis

Genevieve (or Evie) is a beauty junkie and an avid fan of Game of Thrones. She spends her free time making blue lipstick, having breakfast for every meal, writing short stories and snuggling with her dog Miku.

  • replier

    whatever the financial situation, the guy should always try to make his girl feel special. Birthday or not.

    • gowrsh

      you must obviously be a woman,because you have no idea how many boyfriends actually take the time to hand make a card for their girlfriends.

    • Johana Rosli

      I think he had done it by making a handmade card for her.

  • Farah

    I actually went through the same situation as the girl with my ex-fiancé. I didn’t marry him in the end with only 3 month to spare till the wedding date. I wouldn’t say I am materialistic but I wouldn’t say money is not important too. I think this girl is going through that “cold-feet” phase where anything and everything can be a deal breaker. I loved my fiancé so very much but the things that we couldn’t compromise haunt us till its crucial to either do it or leave. The regret is massive and you tend to regroup and go over your expectations in a guy because some are very unrealistic. But hey, I’m still figuring out love as I go along too. You can fall in love so suddenly with a guy that is never your “taste” and you should either learn how to compromise or if you know that it will haunt you, leave before you’re in it. BUT, if she really love the guy, she should discuss it while it “under a year” and perish it forever! Muahaha. (Just feel that the sentence is asking for an evil laugh) xoxo

  • Philosopher Wannabe

    Well, in a nutshell she’s hypocritical at best. All her statements is in contradiction to one another. I’d say she doesn’t even know what she wants and what’s her priorities in life.

    She’s another by-product of the “society standards” peer pressure conditioning. All the selective reality around her justify what should be of her life. (ie; bday must be celebrated in grandeur of a celebrity and showered with expensive gifts)

    Too young, too naive, too lost and just flowing with the “acceptable social norm” of today.

  • Eregrit

    What that girl does not realize is that the handmade card is customly written for her, by him, by his hands, on a paper he selected for her, and with words chosen just for her. No one else in the world has received this card because it is unique. I will never call what someone made on one’s own cheap because it will never be.

  • j

    Haha. .she’s lucky to get even a handmade car and a date out. Coz once you’re married, the cards won’t even come! Handmade or not. She’s not worth keeping.

  • moyura

    She’s talking about her birthday and it’s only once a year so i totally understand where she’s coming from. A day that can create memories forever..Is that too difficult? Just for that one day? Those commenters above are definitely stereotyping

  • Rambling Mind

    She’s absolutely right. The guy doesn’t deserve her.

    Guy, dump her at the first available opportunity. She’s a two-faced hack who’s gonna leave your heart in a million pieces the minute someone that looks like you (but with more cash) comes along.

  • Carlson Thow

    Rubbish. People, honestly! It takes a lot of time to make a card, really? seriously!? In my opinion, it doesn’t really take too much time and however you think about it, just a card as a gift for the love person of your life and a casual Sushi-Tei restaurant for the night out. Wtf!? At least something else with more effort or something else special. I don’t think that girl is actually concerning about his boyfriend’s frugality but instead of his lack of effort makes her feel that he’s not really appreciating this girl’s presence to him and to describe what others partners could actually do better, although here she compared with those that bought nice gifts (money) but that* is not the point! It is the effort that she’s wailing about! Well, they need more communication if they really want to go for the long road ahead. I’d guess that guy’s luck is out for the time being – too young, too simple and sometimes naive.

  • ddd

    birthday is a special day. what counts it’s the effort behind it. you can celebrate a birthday with little money yet able to show that u put effort in it, or at least make it romantic. and know that romance can sometimes be bought with money, and this’s what the girl wanted but conveyed in the other way.
    also, too much of those cheesy proposal videos, not related here but have a huge impact on shaping girl’s expectation on guys. in other words if u like to put it, spoils the market.

  • anne

    Obviously they’ve got different ways of expressing their love! Don’t put all the blame on the girl- yes she understands that the card is sweet and he’s been a great boyfriend- but differing love languages would mean she would rather have had him spend money on her!

    Some people have different ways of expressing love and feeling loved, okay? Calling her a gold digger and a bitch is going too far.

  • WorstGeneration

    This girl don’t even know how to make money and already indulge into the idea of spending all of it recklessly.
    Young and green. This kid singaporean girl should learn sooner that she shouldn’t try to keep up with the joneses if she can’t. The world is so big. You can’t compared your very own situation with another. Discontented people finds fault and emptiness despite surrounded by blessing. If she will never learn. She shall not find happiness irregardless of whom she will meet in the upcoming future.
    (there’s too much dickmeasuring to do. there’s no ending. kiddo)
    One the other side, the guy is wise in containing his weatlh.
    custom making a card takes effort in many form. Bravo!
    well, if you’re reading this. dump your singaporean girl ASAP. she’s not worth any trouble.
    Guys trying hard to accumulate wealth for any future opportunity should it arise.
    This girl simply looking forward to branded products to fill in her ego and to impress people who don’t even her last name, people who don’t even care, people who don’t even remember after 2minutes.
    Girls like these are everywhere and they’re far more expendable in your life than you guys might have think.
    always remember :
    find someone who can change your life. Not just your status.
    Thanks for reading.
    don’t flame if what i wrote hit home

  • fudge

    I hope he brought cake..LOL

  • http://www.hanabisky.com/ sgrmse.

    fyi, @carlsonthow:disqus – it does take A LOT of time to make a card if the card is unique and has little special elements. take it from someone who spends an insane amount of time on cards on special days because 1 – i’m not a super artistic person, 2 – perfection takes time and 3 – it definitely requires a lot more effort to do up something by hand rather than drive to the nearest card/gift store and pick out a ready made one.

    also; i think the girl has her head up in la la land & if i were the guy, i’d leave her. not to be mean.. it’s just a compatibility difference. sushi tei or mamak, spending time with the one(s) you love and the one(s) who love(s) you on a birthday should be the greatest gift of all and her failing to recognise that is just pure ungrateful.

  • Johana Rosli

    I think the bf is so sweet to give her a handmade card. I would be jumping with full of joys if i were to get such from my bf because that is the most special card for me. Hey, I got a teddy bear and new bedsheets for my birthday last year, so it means that my bf is stingy? Sometimes, the thought that count the most, not the price of the material. At this time, this girl should be focusing on her studies and thereafter, she should make her own money and spend them!!!
    It is wiser for the guy to leave this girl as it clearly shows that she will never stop her demands. Once you give in to what she wants, she will ask for more and more. I have seen this kind of women among my friends. Trust me, these women will never be satisfied with you!

  • Edwin

    If someone loves you they don’t need to spoil you. Stop comparing with your friends. You’ve already said it, your friends are studying and so are their boyfriends so i assume so are you and your bf. For your circumstances, spending lavishly over a birthday shouldn’t be of concern. It should be saving up for marriage and to buy a house. God knows the price of housing in Singapore is just going to go up and up with scarcity of land as one of the main issues. My dad once said to me, “if a girl loves you, it doesn’t matter whether you pick her up in a Lambo or a bicycle, it would all boil down to your character and how you make her feel loved”. You can’t say that just because he is being thrifty, he is not reciprocating your love. Does that mean that if you don’t buy him anything he shouldn’t buy you anything too? That is just being selfish and dramatic. At least he isn’t the boyfriend that forgets your birthday or is too busy making money to celebrate your birthday with you. I know a couple of rich kids that have had made that mistake. Girls nowadays are so shaped by society that they think they are not materialistic or demanding while in fact they just compare themselves to the extremes and level themselves. If this is an issue to you, I suggest you do be a gold digger as your life would probably be more happy.