A disgruntled college student submitted a lengthy post to Singapore’s STOMP, complaining about her frugal boyfriend who treated her to a birthday dinner at Sushi Tei and a “sweet handmade card”.
Netizens didn’t share her sentiments, and they’re are also annoyed that the self-proclaimed “I’m not one of those gold-digger girls” college student compares her boyfriend to her friend’s boyfriends who treat them to classy romantic establishments for their birthdays.
Read her full confession here:
I have been together with my boyfriend for slightly under a year. Everything about him fits my criteria for a partner- tall and well-built, intelligent, caring and probably one of the sweetest guys around. Yet, there is one trait of him that has been perturbing me for the longest time. It is that of his frugality. Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not one of those gold-digger girls who is looking for a rich husband. Case in point, if I were, my boyfriend would have been struck off the list long ago.
I understand that love cannot be measured by money, but yet it seems that if money is perpetually a concern to my boyfriend when he spends on me, it just seems to me that I am perhaps of less value than a few wads of cash. Moreover, I am far from unreasonable in making him spend more than he can manage.
My recent birthday celebration just made me really sad. He brought me to Sushi Tei and a gave me a sweet handmade card. Perhaps to some of you this may still be acceptable I’m not sure, but to me this was a complete disappointment. For a birthday celebration, Sushi Tei seriously? This would be the kind of restaurant I would casually meet up with friends at, and not some place I would patronise for a special occasion. A card and no present? Yes, a card is sweet, but another way of looking at it is: cheap.
I get very envious when I see my friend’s boyfriends bringing them to classy romantic dining establishments and gifting them with expensive presents on their birthdays. And this is when their boyfriends are still studying and just living on the pay from their part-time jobs. If they can afford to do so, why not my boyfriend? To make things clear, I myself am very generous to my boyfriend in gifting him with presents. I am not trying in any way to cheat his money.
I know my boyfriend loves me but I sometimes can’t help but think if his thrifty habits (read: stingy habits) is something I can live with for life. At the same time, this is a relationship I won’t bear to give up. Perhaps in life, it is inevitable that you win some and lose some.”
Commentors on the site are hoping that the college girl’s boyfriend would ditch his girlfriend since she’s so unappreciative of his efforts to show how much he’s willing to give her.
We asked our fellow Malaysians for their thoughts on this college girl’s confession, and we’re starting off with what girls think:
“I think she needs to get her priorities in order. She initially claims that money is not her focus, and that she would have dumped her boyfriend earlier if it were, but then she goes on to compare her relationship with those of her friends and their boyfriends taking them out on ‘romantic dates’. It obviously is an issue, and it’s something that she should discuss with him. Maybe he doesn’t know and he thinks she’s ok with it so he continues to spend little on her, or maybe that is his character (a ‘it’s the thought that counts’ kind of person)” – Flavia
“I think that it’s acceptable to be dined at Sushi Tei on your birthday because they’re still students at the end of the day. Not everyone is as well to do, and Sushi Tei isn’t exactly cheap. If she really loved the guy for who he is, she wouldn’t be making such comments in the first place and be grateful about it.” – Carmen
“You cannot measure love with money. The fact that he made you birthday card from scratch is sweet and thoughtful. If you keep comparing him with your friends’ boyfriends’ then you will live a very miserable life trying to keep up with them. Good luck with your relationship though.” – Emi
“He seems thoughtful and sweet. He seems intelligent too. Being frugal doesn’t make you stingy. It makes you smart enough to know where to skimp and save so that you’re not left in debtor’s hell when the going gets tough.” – Eliza
“I personally think guys who are willing to spend a lot of money on a woman expect something in return. And it’s not your love and affection”. – Marie
“We’ve all been college students before, and unless you get a lot of pocket money from your parents or you’re doing a part-time job, it’s understandable that a college boy won’t be able to pay for a swanky meal at a Michelin starred restaurant. However, a girl normally expects something special for her birthday, and you can do that without spending a lot of money – go for a quiet picnic at a romantic spot, for example, it’s more special than going to some chain eatery. Making an occasion memorable doesn’t necessarily mean you have to spend a lot of dough – it just requires more effort ’cause you’ll need to research about what you can do. But the girl seems to think that her boyfriend is just being stingy and doesn’t mention if he has a strained financial situation – in this case, I think she should talk to him about her dissatisfaction rather than complaining to a world of strangers on the internet.” -Audrey
Now that you’ve heard what women have to say, it’s time to hear what the guys have to say:
“It’s good to learn to save. It’s her special day of course, but she should at least discuss her expectations. But then again, they’re only students. Why live such lavish lifestyles when you can’t afford it? She shouldn’t expect much, even.” – Eric
“This girl seems very materialistic and insincere. She’s giving him expensive gifts because she’s expecting him to return the act”. – Nelson
“She needs to stop caring about how much money gets spent on her and instead, focus on how much time and love gets spent on her”. – Chris
“I don’t know why she’s comparing her relationship to others, but if he wanted to bring her to Sushi Tei and give her a homemade card because that’s what he thought was best, what’s the problem? I think she’s a b*tch for criticizing him. That, and she’s trying to shame her boyfriend and his action instead of discussing the matter privately”. – Aiman
Do you think money is important in a relationship? We’d love to hear what you have to say. Share your personal thoughts in the comment section below.