Relationships

Why Marriage Doesn’t Have To Be The End Goal Of All Relationships

Some millennials want a job and adventures, not marriage and kids.

As kids, we just assumed we’d get married someday because that’s what our society considers as a normal life progression. Evidently, marriage is something most of our peers aspire to experience in their lifetime, and in certain instances, holy matrimony has become some kind of competitive sport.

The rule of thumb is that you are expected to settle down by 30, or it will be perceived that there is certainly something wrong with you. That really isn’t always the case and has led us into thinking; are most marriages nowadays merely the result of peer pressure?

We believe that happiness trumps legal unions and marriage doesn’t have to be the end goal of your relationships if that isn’t what you want. Here are several reasons why:

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1) Societal pressure

Unfortunately, this belief system has created what you can consider a marriage trap which lead couples to feel tremendously pressured to get hitched. A successful marriage is an accomplishment, yes, but you’re only fooling yourself if you are under the impression you would have made it in life simply by having a grand, enviable wedding.

In contrary to popular belief, having had a wedding doesn’t elevate your social status whatsoever. Your contribution toward society does, irregardless of who you chose to marry and how lavish your ceremony was.

2) Marriage is evolving

Our attitude towards the sanctity of marriage has changed beyond recognition over the past couple of generations. In the olden days, it was almost unthinkable for a couple to begin living together before being lawfully married, and sex before marriage? Abominable, in conservative contexts.

Marriage used to be an aspiration for young men and women, but it seems like things couldn’t be more different now. Many are comfortable with the idea of having multiple relationships throughout their lifetime, sometimes even opting to live life together with different partners without tying the knot.

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3) Happiness is a journey 

It’s completely a-okay if you don’t feel the need to get married, even with that rock solid bond you have going on there with your partner. As long as you are happy, with or without a partner, that piece of paper is not required to prove anything to anyone. Why pay so much attention to the destination, if you can’t enjoy the journey?

Even if marriage is on your mind, remember that the tighter you pull a rope, the weaker it gets. Rushing to get married and skipping the whole ice breaking process is not exactly the right way to take a relationship far along.

4) It’s a gamble

If understanding yourself and your emotional needs takes at least 25 years for you to master, how long do you think it would take for you to be completely ready for married life? The risk is high when you assume someone as your be-all end-all and your everything. This person could hurt you, cheat on you, leave you high and dry or worse, sabotage your life.

Pretty sure you don’t want to end up like some couples that divorce over reasons like, “We were not ready,” and, “We married for the wrong reasons”.

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5) Financially crippled generation

Getting married means you’re not only responsible for yourself, but for your spouse and children as well. If you’re still having trouble keeping your moolah in check, how are you going to share your finances and split bills? We’d suggest for you to reevaluate your decision.

What’s also true, unfortunately, is that money is one of the leading causes of marriage dissatisfaction, and a top cause for divorce. Worst case scenario? You marry your financial opposite, where one of you is a spender and the other is a saver. That’s going to be a problem when you’ve spent years on savings but your partner has an awful credit.

6) Family life isn’t for everyone

The idea of starting a real family doesn’t sit well with everyone. Though that notion may sound negative, there’s nothing wrong with it. Perhaps your mind works differently, or for some reason, you’ve always had a skewed view on marriage. No matter what it is, it’s alright as long as your partner is on the same page. You may have found your true love who completes you, and yet chose not to take the wedding route.

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7) Things may change

We’re not trying to generalise here, but several studies have attested that married couples have less sex. There could be many reasons to that, but what we do know is that a legal union occasionally takes the romance and sense of adventure out of many of life’s pleasures, especially when there is unresolved tension between the couple.

8) Weddings are becoming a hype

This doesn’t apply to everyone, but as aforementioned, competition can, quickly and uglily, creep into a marriage. It would feel as if you’re watching a whole season of Say Yes To The Dress when scrolling through Facebook. Who got hitched this time? Was the location fancy? Does it look better than so and so’s wedding?

We know, so many unhealthy questions. While it’s acceptable to fantasise about designer gowns and look forward to an opulent, dreamy ceremony to remember, ask yourself this – are you really getting married for the right reasons? Or are you just trying to avoid being the last one standing?

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Truth is, the whole thought of experiencing a nuptial seems a little intimidating, especially when it isn’t uncommon for us to give up on relationships so easily. Marriage may appear to be a grand idea in theory, but in practice, it takes more than just the right person to make it work.

Not getting married doesn’t mean you’re incapable of loving someone else. It may just mean that you have your own definition of love and companionship. With all that said, societal trends and statistics won’t be able to tell you if marriage is right for you. Only you can decide, so you do you.

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Nadee Mode
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