At some point in life, everyone reaches a phase whereby they put blame on their parents for their personal shortfalls and while it may not be the right approach, it is an easy justification to fault someone else for who you didn’t become, what you didn’t have, have yet to achieve, or everything that has gone wrong.
At least that’s what I did.
More often than not, this would go on for years — developing from resentment into anger, which then translates to bitterness, and as a result, pure hatred. You forget that parents too make human errors, and even if they have bestowed you with all they could possibly have had in their lifetime, you still spiral down this path.
My parents made me take up Political Science right after graduating high school when they knew that it was the last narrative I ever wanted to be a part of. I wanted to major in Arts Design or English Literature, but couldn’t because they didn’t think careers stemming from those majors would not bring ‘good money’.
It took me four years to complete my Diploma (graduated at 22 y/o) when all my peers finished theirs within three. I felt so left behind and was depressed about not being able to do what I was passionate about. To make things worse, my mom often extended her disappointment on the matter to our family whenever they come visit.
I was stuck, suicidal and I hated her for holding me back.
Finally, at 23, with the insurgence to take control of my own fate, I gathered a great deal of courage to enrol myself in a course (for a Bachelor’s Degree) I always wanted, using my own savings to finance the education. My parents couldn’t say a word because I paid for it and fortunately, aced every exam.
Still, there was pent up anger and unresolved issues between my mother and I. We got into a huge argument two years later, and it was that incident that had tremendously improved our relationship as we laid everything on the table — rage, frustration, understanding each other’s point of view, my psychiatric visits.. amongst other things.
I stopped hating after. It took us 25 years to finally understand each other, but that was okay. She wanted the best for me and I am beyond grateful to have her back in my life.
The whole ordeal helped me realise that parents often fail to comprehend with the changing of the times. They have beliefs and stances shaped from their own experiences, upbringing and circumstances they were once susceptible to. It’s the only way they know how, and that is what will transpire.
It may not be their mistake, but we blame them anyway. If you are well over 25, it’s high time for you to grow up and stop holding other people (like your parents) accountable for your inadequacies. You should be wise enough to know better and take responsibility over your own life.
What’s standing between you and success or right now is YOU. Not your folks, not your past.. you. And the fact that you’re convinced that THEY have sabotaged your life and are somehow liable for your (current) intolerable behaviour, stupid actions and wreaks of denial is simply immature.
An acquaintance of mine was once arrested for burning down his girlfriend’s family home. True story. Good for R, daddy came through. He walked away scot free and even got a hefty allowance that puts most of our pay checks to shame. And yet, he never did learn, condemns his parents for his actions and often takes everything for granted.
My point is.. You have the liberty to make choices in life. So make the right ones. Ones that wouldn’t make you look like a fool. A wise person once said, “The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off” — which simply means, you gotta stop being in denial and face the music — that you are your own worst enemy.